Questions parents actually ask us.

Probably not as a first move. Kids with phones aren't the problem — kids with unconfigured phones and no conversations about them are. A well-set-up phone with a weekly 10-minute check-in beats no phone almost every time, and builds skills your kid will need as an adult.

There are exceptions — if a device is actively harming your child's mental health and you've tried other things, removing it temporarily is fine. But it's a last step, not a first one.

There is no universal answer, and anyone who gives you one is selling something. Most of the families we talk to land somewhere between 11 and 13, often driven by "their friends have one" and logistics around pickups from activities.

The question we find more useful: what kind of phone, with what settings, for what purposes? A locked-down device with calls and texts only at 10 is very different from a full smartphone at 10.

Under ~11, yes — openly, and with your child's knowledge. "I'm going to look through your messages once a week, together" is fine, expected, and actually helps kids feel safer.

From ~12 onward, we shift toward monitoring the aggregate, not the contents. Who are they talking to, how much, and are they okay? Specific messages become a trust issue — read them only if you have a specific reason to.

TikTok's safety issues are real but not unique — the algorithm pulls kids toward whatever holds attention, and that includes unhealthy content. The platform has improved defaults for accounts registered as under 16 (private by default, limited DMs, 60-minute screen time reminders).

Our take: under 13, no. Age 13–15, only with the child registered with an accurate birthdate (so they get the under-16 defaults) and a weekly "what are you watching?" conversation. Age 16+, a regular conversation rather than a rule.

Roblox is safer than its reputation, if you configure the account. It's much worse than its reputation if you don't. The two settings that matter most are age verification (so the chat filters actually engage) and Account Restrictions (which whitelists only kid-curated games).

We have a dedicated Roblox guide — currently in progress.

This is where the research is newest and the stakes are highest. Apps like Character.AI and Replika are designed to feel like a friend. For adults, that's sometimes useful. For kids, it can short-circuit the messy work of learning to be in relationships with other humans.

Our current position: not for kids under 16. Read our full piece on this in the Resources section.

Almost never. Apple Screen Time and Google Family Link are free, built-in, and cover 90% of what a paid app does. We recommend starting there. If you find a specific gap after a few months, then consider a paid tool.

For most families, no. VPNs bypass the content filters you just set up, and also bypass the ones your school/ISP provides. If you want encryption on public Wi-Fi, there are better ways.

They can be fine for young kids (under ~9). Past that, they tend to be so restrictive that kids just switch devices or use a friend's phone. Better to set up the real browser properly.

Don't panic. Don't take the phone away on the spot — that teaches them not to tell you next time.

Ask: what did you see, how did you feel, do you want to talk about it? Tighten the relevant setting (usually content filters or a specific app). Then check in again a day or two later, because first reactions aren't the whole story.

On most platforms: block the user, report the account, take screenshots first. If the messages are sexual in nature and the child is a minor, report to the National Center for Missing & Exploited Children CyberTipline — it's the correct legal channel.

Tighten the platform's privacy settings (most have a "friends only" option). Talk to your child; make sure they know they didn't do anything wrong.