A 12-step walkthrough for a freshly unboxed (or hand-me-down) iPhone or iPad. Takes about 25 minutes. Works on iOS 17 and later.
On your iPhone, go to Settings → Your Name → Family Sharing → Add Member → Create Child Account. Set the child's birthdate accurately — this affects every age-gated feature going forward.
Family Sharing → child's name → Ask to Buy. Every paid app, in-app purchase, and subscription now requires your approval from your phone. You'll get a notification; tap Approve or Decline.
On the child's device: Settings → Screen Time → Turn On Screen Time → This is My Child's iPhone. Set a 4-digit Screen Time passcode your child does not know.
Screen Time → Downtime. A reasonable starting point: 9pm–7am on school nights, 10pm–8am on weekends. Only calls and apps you whitelist work during Downtime.
Screen Time → App Limits → Add Limit. Start with: Social (60 min), Entertainment (60 min), Games (60 min). You can tune these up or down later — don't overthink the first pass.
Screen Time → Content & Privacy Restrictions → On. This is where most of the real work happens. Walk through every sub-menu — the defaults are adult-permissive.
Under Content Restrictions, set Apps to the age rating you want (usually 12+ or 9+), Movies & TV to the rating you want, and turn on Web Content → Limit Adult Websites.
Screen Time → Communication Safety → On. iOS will now blur nude images in Messages, AirDrop, and FaceTime, and offer the child resources before viewing.
Communication Limits → During Allowed Screen Time → Contacts Only. During Downtime, set it to Specific Contacts and pick parents & grandparents.
Under iTunes & App Store Purchases: set Installing Apps → Don't Allow for younger kids (you can still approve installs via Ask to Buy on your phone). Under Privacy → Tracking, set it to Don't Allow Apps to Request to Track.
Settings → Privacy & Security → Location Services. Turn it on, but go through each app and set most to Never or While Using. Only Maps, Find My, and weather genuinely need it.
Open each app with your child. Ask: what does this do? Who do you talk to on it? Is it fun? This is the single most valuable step on this page — and the one most parents skip.