The first-phone transition
Do these before the phone is unwrapped. You’ll thank yourself in year three.
Before the phone is unwrapped
- Create the child Apple Account or supervised Google account first, and sign the phone into it — not into an adult account with your child’s name on it.
- Set up Screen Time / Family Link before first boot, with a parent passcode your child does not know.
- Set the app-store age rating before installing anything. Apple’s App Store ratings are now 4+, 9+, 13+, 16+ and 18+ (Apple Developer). On Android, Google notes that apps downloaded before you set content restrictions stay visible even if they are outside the rating (Google), so the order matters. The taps are below.
- Pre-install the apps you want available. Don’t install what you don’t want.
- Control purchases: approval for every download and purchase, and no saved card on your child’s account.
- Set Communication Safety (iOS) or install a Bark-style tool.
- Install the Find My / Family Link app on your own phone to see location, and turn location off inside individual apps (Snap Map, Instagram).
- Write a phone agreement together — use our printable.
Where the controls are: the taps
iPhone
- Age rating, iOS 26 or earlier (or a family that has not moved to the new Screen Time): on your child’s iPhone, Settings › Screen Time › Content & Privacy Restrictions, turn it on, then App Store, Media, Web & Games › Apps and pick the rating (Apple).
- Installs and in-app purchases, same screen: Content & Privacy Restrictions › iTunes & App Store Purchases.
- Age rating, iOS 27 with the updated Screen Time: on your own iPhone, Settings › Family › your child’s name › Content & Privacy Restrictions, enter the Screen Time passcode, then choose a content type under Content Restrictions and set its age rating (Apple). Apple says the updated controls need every device in the family group on iOS 27 and the organizer to update the family’s parental controls; otherwise you keep the previous version (Apple).
- Apple turns Ask to Buy on by default for children under 13 (Apple).
Android
- Google Play rating: open the Family Link app, select your child at the top left, then Controls › Google Play, tap the type of content and choose how to filter it. It needs your Google Account password, and the same settings are at g.co/YourFamily (Google).
The five things to cover in the first conversation
- “This phone is on loan from me. It’s not your private space.”
- “I can see your screen time, your apps, and your location. No secrets.”
- “If anything weird or scary happens, you come to me. You’re never in trouble for telling me.”
- “No phone in the bedroom at night. It charges in the kitchen.”
- “We’ll re-negotiate as you get older. The rules get looser if you keep them.”
The first week
- Walk through settings together.
- Review the first weekly Screen Time report together.
- Answer “why” questions patiently — now is when the rules get internalized or resented.
Common first-phone mistakes
- Giving the kid the admin account on the phone.
- Letting them set up the Apple Account / Google account themselves (they’ll use an adult birthdate).
- Turning on Ask to Buy but approving everything automatically. Actually read the requests.
- Granting full social media access day one. Phase it in.
Common questions
What should I do before the phone is unwrapped?
Create the child Apple Account or supervised Google account first and sign the phone into it, set up Screen Time or Family Link before first boot with a passcode your child does not know, set the app-store age rating before installing anything (Apple’s ratings are now 4+, 9+, 13+, 16+ and 18+; on Android it is Family Link › Controls › Google Play), pre-install only the apps you want available, require approval for every purchase, enable Communication Safety or install a Bark-style tool, and put Find My or Family Link on your own phone.
What are the five things to say in the first conversation?
That the phone is on loan and is not private space; that you can see screen time, apps and location, with no secrets about it; that if anything weird or frightening happens they come to you and are never in trouble for telling you; that the phone charges in the kitchen overnight; and that the rules get looser as they keep them.
What are the most common first-phone mistakes?
Giving your child the admin account on the phone; letting them set up the Apple Account or Google account themselves, because they will use an adult birthdate; enabling Ask to Buy and then approving everything without reading it; and granting full social media access on day one instead of phasing it in.
What should the first week look like?
Walk through the settings together, then review the first weekly Screen Time report together, and answer “why” questions patiently. That first week is when the rules are either internalised or resented, and the difference is mostly how the questions get answered.
When parental controls change
The controls behind this change more often than the advice does. Roughly monthly we send new guides, changes to controls like these, and scams worth knowing about.
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