The first-phone transition
Do these before the phone is unwrapped. You’ll thank yourself in year three.
Before the phone is unwrapped
- Create the child Apple ID or supervised Google account first.
- Set up Screen Time / Family Link before first boot.
- Pre-install the apps you want available. Don’t install what you don’t want.
- Set the app-store age rating (12+ or 17+).
- Turn on require password for every purchase.
- Set Communication Safety (iOS) or install a Bark-style tool.
- Install the Find My / Family Link app on your own phone to see location.
- Write a phone agreement together — use our printable.
The five things to cover in the first conversation
- “This phone is on loan from me. It’s not your private space.”
- “I can see your screen time, your apps, and your location. No secrets.”
- “If anything weird or scary happens, you come to me. You’re never in trouble for telling me.”
- “No phone in the bedroom at night. It charges in the kitchen.”
- “We’ll re-negotiate as you get older. The rules get looser if you keep them.”
The first week
- Walk through settings together.
- Review the first weekly Screen Time report together.
- Answer “why” questions patiently — now is when the rules get internalized or resented.
Common first-phone mistakes
- Giving the kid the admin account on the phone.
- Letting them set up the Apple ID / Google account themselves (they’ll use an adult birthdate).
- Turning on Ask to Buy but approving everything automatically. Actually read the requests.
- Granting full social media access day one. Phase it in.
Common questions
What should I do before the phone is unwrapped?
Create the child Apple ID or supervised Google account first, set up Screen Time or Family Link before first boot, pre-install only the apps you want available, set the app-store age rating, require a password for every purchase, enable Communication Safety or install a Bark-style tool, and put Find My or Family Link on your own phone.
What are the five things to say in the first conversation?
That the phone is on loan and is not private space; that you can see screen time, apps and location, with no secrets about it; that if anything weird or frightening happens they come to you and are never in trouble for telling you; that the phone charges in the kitchen overnight; and that the rules get looser as they keep them.
What are the most common first-phone mistakes?
Giving your child the admin account on the phone; letting them set up the Apple ID or Google account themselves, because they will use an adult birthdate; enabling Ask to Buy and then approving everything without reading it; and granting full social media access on day one instead of phasing it in.
What should the first week look like?
Walk through the settings together, then review the first weekly Screen Time report together, and answer “why” questions patiently. That first week is when the rules are either internalised or resented, and the difference is mostly how the questions get answered.